The Day You Left...

April 1st, 2011.

The day started normally. I woke up and fooled around on the computer for a bit before being fully conscious. Checked Facebook and the Bendis Board, etc.

I guess around 10am or so I heard sirens. I thought nothing of it because this is one of the busiest intersections in this area so I hear them all the time. When I noticed that it stopped outside of my house, I decided to look outside. There was a fire truck with someone walking up the walkway from the sidewalk. I thought maybe my stepdad had overcooked some food or something. Or maybe a neighbor had mistakenly called them here like an instance a few years ago. I stayed up here on the third floor because I didn't want to get involved, especially if it was some kind of misunderstanding. However, about a minute later I heard another siren. I look outside again and see an Ambulance. Huh.

I stayed in the hallway up here, looking over the railing down to the first floor. I heard my stepdad talking to the paramedics who came in. At this point, a lot of people had come in to the house and it's so cramped on the first floor that I would just be in the way of whatever was going on, so I stood my ground and listened. One of the stray sentences I heard was "Yeah, you'll need a stretcher."

I waited a few minutes and noticed the people leaving. From my vantage point I couldn't get a clear view of what was going on, so I went back into my living room and looked out the window. I saw my mom on a stretcher being loaded into the Ambulance that had arrived. She was white as a ghost.

I didn't even know she was home.

I'd last spoken to her just two days before. She was at a rehab clinic and was about to get out the next day. She mentioned going back to the hospital because her lungs were draining with fluid again. She needed my help to pay some of the bills, which I took care of. Someone was coming to do an exam or physical therapy or something, so she hurried off the phone after just a few minutes. That ended up being the last time I heard her voice.

Back to the first...after I saw the Ambulance leave I went downstairs to see just what the hell was going on. My stepdad was standing in the doorway to the first floor. He said it was bad and that he was so confused. I snapped at him. "You're confused? I'M confused! I didn't even know she was home!" I calmed down almost immediately after that and went back upstairs to change as my stepdad called my Grandpop to get a ride to the hospital.

On the way, my stepdad told us that he brought her home the previous night because her insurance had run out so she was essentially kicked out of the rehab clinic she was in. She asked to be given oxygen but they had none to give her. When they got home they called a place and made an appointment for someone to stop by the next day to drop some off. They went to sleep and my mom went to use the bathroom as my stepdad did some laundry. As he came back upstairs from the basement he heard my mom yelling for him. When he got to the bathroom she said that she was feeling dizzy. He grabbed the wheelchair that they'd given her after her stroke and tried to get her into it but she kind of collapsed/fell behind the toilet. She got a glazed look in her eyes and she stopped breathing. My stepdad pulled her out as best he could and did CPR while calling 911. You know...and here I am upstairs totally oblivious to this.

Anyway, we got to the hospital and after a few minutes they took us into the ER to see her real quick as they attempted to get her stabilized. It was a little surreal seeing my mom in that kind of position. They said we could go up to her and say something to her but it was an odd thing to do while she's naked on a bed while someone's pumping her chest to get her to breathe. All the while she's got her eyes open and not blinking. So I said a few things in the 10 seconds I was allowed. I don't fully remember what I said...I think I was in shock that this was happening at all.

They took us out and put us in a waiting room. After about 10-15 minutes a Doctor came and talked to us and said that they got her stabilized but they didn't know for how long and that we would be in for a "very long weekend." We went back in to see her. She was covered up in a sheet this time. She had an oxygen thingamob hooked up to her and a few IVs. I don't recall what they were...I think to regulate her blood pressure. Every breathe she took, her head violently jerked. And she still wasn't blinking...

We stayed for a while. I knew there was a bank next to the hospital and I had a check to cash that I'd received at Christmas time that I hadn't cashed yet so I did that then went to the Rite-Aid next to the bank and bought some cigarettes. On the walk back I called my friend Amanda and told her what had happened. I asked her to tell Jenn, this girl I used to date. I would have told her myself but we had a bit of a fight on St. Patrick's Day and hadn't spoken since then.

I went back to the hospital and did some more standing around and all the things that entails. After a while, I'm not sure how long, but Jenn entered the room. I guess she said that my mom was her Aunt or something. I got her up to speed on what had happened, or at least what I knew of it. She lightened the room a bit by making a joke that this was a lousy April Fool's gag. After some time, the doctors came in to talk to us. They didn't really tell us anything we didn't already know about my mom's condition (I'll get to that in a later post). They left us alone with her for a bit then came back and asked us to leave the room for a bit because her body temperature was starting to drop and they wanted to wrap her in something else. Or something...some of the details are a bit lost now.

When they went to move her, she stopped breathing again. As the doctors started CPR on her again, Jenn grabbed my hand and she wouldn't let go. After a few minutes with no response, my stepdad made the call to stop. And to mark the time of death. 2:42pm.

On April 1st, 2011 my mom passed away. It was her 2nd wedding anniversary.

We all held each other and cried for a few minutes before making calls. I called Amanda and told her what happened. She was the first person to know outside of the people in the room. My stepdad eventually got a hold of my grandpop and told him and asked him to come pick us up. He also managed to finally close her eyes. My grandpop's a weird fella so he didn't come in with us when he dropped us off. After a while Jenn and I went outside for a cigarette. My grandpop was outside sitting in his car. He looked lost. Eventually he got out of the car and went inside. As Jenn and I smoked, we made calls. She called her mom and told her. I called my friend Seth, who didn't pick up (though I did get in contact with him about an hour later) and my friend Mike. My grandpop and stepdad came out as Jenn and I were saying goodbye because she had to pick her sister up from work. When we got home we started the process of making calls and telling everyone what happened.

More to come later. I need a break.